Monday, November 9, 2009

Part Two: Paranormal Squirrels of the Fourth Kind

Part II: The Stunning Conclusion of

Paranormal Squirrels of the Fourth Kind

I walked with rubbery knees and roused Eric to enlist him into this new game of life or death.

As he shook the cobwebs from his head I explained the quandary that we were in. He quickly pulled his boots up and was ready for action. As he brandished his gun I was followed into the living/dining/family room. Of course like in any scary movie the other person hears nothing when they are awoken and asked to be the protector of the protagonist.

After a few tense moments he heard the mysterious noises and became convinced that I was non compos mentis. As I was unarmed I quickly looked for a weapon to protect my kinsmen and myself with. I had few options to choose from. A lawn chair, a chinese checkers board, and a hatchet. I decided to go with the lawn chair thinking that I would need a place to sit after we apprehended with the assailant. But thinking more three dimensionally I chose the hatchet.

On the count of three we burst through the single-wides front door with the force of an eight-man swat team. Feeling extra courageous I stormed out first with the hatchet in one and a flashlight in the other. I was ready to meet an onslaught of hot lead. To my surprise there was not a soul in sight. With a quick sweep of my light I turned and started to go around the trailer to check the back of the trailer thinking that the intruders had some how heard our plan of attack.

With Eric hot on my heels I turned the corner and to my utter surprise saw nothing again. As we get to the middle of the trailer where a good majority of the mischievous sounds were coming from. We stood for an instant in silence. I was feeling rather sheepish for waking Eric and charging out in the dark. But more so for making him participate in my shenanigans.

Then we saw it.

It was a blood streaked flash of gray. As this demon beast ran by me up the tree, I caught a look into its bloodthirsty eyes; I was practically placed in a trance. I wished then I had chosen the lawn chair so I could’ve collapsed in defeat to this formidable foe.

I could not believe my luck. I had just been spared by on of the most depraved, diabolical, dark creature this world has to offer. A Paranormal Squirrel of the Fourth Kind.

With a quick shake, Eric brought me back to reality and we quickly made our way back indoors. I was nearly speechless when he helped me to chair. Eric in disbelief explained what to me what happened. Some how this demon Squirrel had shown mercy on us. We were given a second chance on life.

Eric excused himself to change his shorts, while I took a deep breath for the first time in what seemed like hours.

We had survived an ordeal that few could claim. We had survived an attack by a Paranormal Squirrel of the Fourth Kind.

Few people know this about Squirrels but they are the number one threat to this world. They appear cute and cuddly but the moment you turn your back, or in my class close my eyes they will attack with the ferocity of a liger. (A liger is a mix between tiger and lion that are breed for their skills in magic.)

The next morning we were happy to be alive but we were stunned to see what was written on the door.

Like I said, these things are evil!!

As I looked through the window to make sure that the coast was for us to vacate the premises this is what I saw pressed against the window. It was the very same Squirrel that had nearly killed us the night before. Luckily I was quick on the draw and was able to take a picture.

On further investigation, while dressed in full camouflage, we searched the premises were able to take some pictures of a small colony hiding behind our outhouse. As you can see these squirrels are pure evil.

This is an Al Qaeda trained squirrel that has been infiltrating our forests for years.

Here is a home grown evil squirrel working with other Evil squirrels of the forest.

This was the was the most shocking thing that we saw; a Sith trained squirrel. Sadly more and more good squirrels are defecting to the dark side.

If any of you have had similar experiences please share. We must unite and fight against the forces of evil! And Squirrels.


David said...

Freaking brilliant. I'm glad you're still alive to tell this tale (and hopefully many more).

Webb said...

I like your idea of "homework."

It was worth the read.

If you consider a picture is worth a thousand words, you pretty much wrote a novel here. :)

Amy said...

Brilliant post! I will definitely take necessary precautions next time I'm at the trailer.

mom said...

Whew I had no idea such evil was lurking at the trailer! I too will be prepared the next time I visit!