Part Two: Paranormal Squirrels of the Fourth Kind

Part II: The Stunning Conclusion of

Paranormal Squirrels of the Fourth Kind

I walked with rubbery knees and roused Eric to enlist him into this new game of life or death.

As he shook the cobwebs from his head I explained the quandary that we were in. He quickly pulled his boots up and was ready for action. As he brandished his gun I was followed into the living/dining/family room. Of course like in any scary movie the other person hears nothing when they are awoken and asked to be the protector of the protagonist.

After a few tense moments he heard the mysterious noises and became convinced that I was non compos mentis. As I was unarmed I quickly looked for a weapon to protect my kinsmen and myself with. I had few options to choose from. A lawn chair, a chinese checkers board, and a hatchet. I decided to go with the lawn chair thinking that I would need a place to sit after we apprehended with the assailant. But thinking more three dimensionally I chose the hatchet.

On the count of three we burst through the single-wides front door with the force of an eight-man swat team. Feeling extra courageous I stormed out first with the hatchet in one and a flashlight in the other. I was ready to meet an onslaught of hot lead. To my surprise there was not a soul in sight. With a quick sweep of my light I turned and started to go around the trailer to check the back of the trailer thinking that the intruders had some how heard our plan of attack.

With Eric hot on my heels I turned the corner and to my utter surprise saw nothing again. As we get to the middle of the trailer where a good majority of the mischievous sounds were coming from. We stood for an instant in silence. I was feeling rather sheepish for waking Eric and charging out in the dark. But more so for making him participate in my shenanigans.

Then we saw it.

It was a blood streaked flash of gray. As this demon beast ran by me up the tree, I caught a look into its bloodthirsty eyes; I was practically placed in a trance. I wished then I had chosen the lawn chair so I could’ve collapsed in defeat to this formidable foe.

I could not believe my luck. I had just been spared by on of the most depraved, diabolical, dark creature this world has to offer. A Paranormal Squirrel of the Fourth Kind.

With a quick shake, Eric brought me back to reality and we quickly made our way back indoors. I was nearly speechless when he helped me to chair. Eric in disbelief explained what to me what happened. Some how this demon Squirrel had shown mercy on us. We were given a second chance on life.

Eric excused himself to change his shorts, while I took a deep breath for the first time in what seemed like hours.

We had survived an ordeal that few could claim. We had survived an attack by a Paranormal Squirrel of the Fourth Kind.

Few people know this about Squirrels but they are the number one threat to this world. They appear cute and cuddly but the moment you turn your back, or in my class close my eyes they will attack with the ferocity of a liger. (A liger is a mix between tiger and lion that are breed for their skills in magic.)

The next morning we were happy to be alive but we were stunned to see what was written on the door.

Like I said, these things are evil!!

As I looked through the window to make sure that the coast was for us to vacate the premises this is what I saw pressed against the window. It was the very same Squirrel that had nearly killed us the night before. Luckily I was quick on the draw and was able to take a picture.

On further investigation, while dressed in full camouflage, we searched the premises were able to take some pictures of a small colony hiding behind our outhouse. As you can see these squirrels are pure evil.

This is an Al Qaeda trained squirrel that has been infiltrating our forests for years.

Here is a home grown evil squirrel working with other Evil squirrels of the forest.

This was the was the most shocking thing that we saw; a Sith trained squirrel. Sadly more and more good squirrels are defecting to the dark side.

If any of you have had similar experiences please share. We must unite and fight against the forces of evil! And Squirrels.

Part One: Paranormal Squirrels of the Fourth Kind

Its been awhile but with some coaxing from some friends and family here is a shiny new blog post just for you. So tell your friends. Leave messages and bring me cookies.

Please Enjoy.

My cousin Eric and I are real men! We like to shoot guns, start fires, cut down trees, blow things up, talk about how long we would survive in a post-apocalyptic world, and complain how are teams never win. We talk big, play hard, and enjoy the simple things.

To give you an idea of how we can be together, one year we spent around $500 one year on the 4^th July. During that epic day we spent well over 6 hours enjoying ourselves and singeing the hair off of various body parts (as well as my sister favorite blanket. Good thing my Dad saw the fire, because we sure didn’t.)

Because both of us are hard workers and extremely in demand through out the land for our skills, when we have a chance to get together we enjoy ourselves.

Due to being born into the right families we have some property nestled in the Uintah’s. We are set about an acre back from the main dirt road, and have a row a trees sheltering the view giving us a little privacy. There is a nice creek (not to be confused with crick, if you don’t know the difference look up Patrick F. McManus’s definition) that runs right next to the fire pit and the quaint 1960’s single wide trailer that serves as our cabin.

The trailer as one can imagine is not much to look at. All in all it is in good repair. The inside is complete with all the appropriate fixtures, carpeting, sofas and such that were found in the 60’s and makes you feel like you are stepping back 40 years.

My cousin Eric and decided that it was about time to have some male bonding time again, and so we headed up the river to go to the trailer. Once we arrived we immediately got to work starting a fire and cooking our ginormous slabs of meat over the open fire. We are men! What else would we eat other than a leviathan sized piece of meat in the woods?

We enjoyed our dinner and busied our self with feeding the fire anything that would burn or melt. The fire slowly died out after digesting everything from cans, to stumps and we decided to retired to the trailer to get to work on the worlds problems through an intense discussion on an assortment of topics. Just about the time we got talking about the proper way to dispose of man eating zombies we decided it would be best if we rested out minds so we could be fresh for the continuation of this dialogue in the morning.

We stoked the fire emptied our bladders off the porch (another perk of being a man) and proceeded through the other nightly rituals that men go through. You know like a flexing in the mirror and a comparing of scars and what the other guy looked like after we were done with them.

As the testosterone thinned from the air Eric took the back room and I bedded down on the circa 1960’s pull out bed in the living/dining/family room. Not being able sleep I pulled out a trusty book and decided to have a read. (I was reading the book titled The Road, by Cormac McCarthy, which I would suggest to anyone needing a good book to read.)

After reading close to 150 pages (it’s a page turner) my eyes were growing heavy and I decided it was time to get some rest. I threw a few logs on the fire and turned the lights off and burrowed deep in to my sleeping bag and blankets. I quickly started to drift off to sleep, or best that you can on an ancient bed and in a peculiar place.

Normally I do not sleep well in many places other than my own bed, however the combination of eating a smorgasbord of scrumptious bovine and reading longer than I should have, I got knocked out like acid washed jeans.

For those of you that know me, I can be an extremely heavy sleeper at times. When I get in to a deep sleep I become dead to the world. I have slept through sirens, phones ringing, doorbells, my Mom for years, and even our dear, departed dog Sparkey, barking from the top of my bunk bed and vomiting in to my back pack, true story by the way. Sparkey was always very strategic when it came to her bodily fluids and me. But that is a post for another day.

But I digress...

As I was in the middle of this intense, near cavernous sleep I was awoken not by the crisp mountain dawn sneaking through the blinds, but to mysterious sounds in the dark, cold, dank trailer. The fire had gone nearly out and was casting a malevolent orange glow, that casted fiendish shadows on the wall.

I am not one to jump to conclusions about what a noise is or isn’t. I recognize that a good majority of the time I am probably agitating my self more than anything. With this thought in mind I closed my eyes again and tried to sleep once more.

Then I heard it again. Loud, crisp, and clear. Something was outside. And it sounded big.

My pulse quickened. And my senses enhanced. My eyes dilated to seven times their normal size, and I could hear my hair growing. I could feel an evil presence that one can only imagine. I sat up as ancient mans instincts took over and my body and turned on the fight rather than flight mode. I quickly assessed the situation.

It was up to me to protect the nobility of this hallowed family estate. And my sleeping cousin Eric.

I moved to the edge of my bed and pulled on my shoes to get ready for anything. The sounds were coming from a few separate places and this concerned me. For one, I am one man with a sleeping cousin in the back room that has no idea about the predicament that is ahead us. And second, I am unarmed. Eric is the one with the hand cannon. The Gat. The Piece. The Jammy. The Boom Stick. Eric was the one that would yell, “Say hello to my little friend!” Eric was the one that came prepared. And I was the one that left my ‘four four mag’ at home.

The sounds seemed to be getting louder. And I became more concerned. It sounded like the perpetrators were walking across the deck and checking the windows. Then I heard them underneath the trailer. Then floor started to shake. I could feel a surge of adrenaline coarse through my veins.

I knew right then it was them or I.

Stay Tuned For Part II for the Stunning Conclusion of

Paranormal Squirrels of the Fourth Kind

Harry Potter and the Lehi Museum

Ok, so I haven't really haven't posted in say.......7 months I think that Iwas told. So I apologize. I need to do better.

Any who, I was up at the Lehi Museum last week doing a quick survey of the place so
I could write a paper for my public history class when I came across an interesting specimen in the 'Weird Insects' display. (I'm not quite sure, but I think that is the scientific term.) Any way this was the one that caught my eye. Luckily I had my camera handy.


This is what I saw......


......and this is the what the Tag said it was......



I was all alone at this time and I was completely laughing my head off. This unfortunately was the one of the best parts of the museum. It seemed like they were confused on whether to have a building full of junk, or a museum. All and all though it was worth the $3 to go and walk around.


p.s.
This is what was actually in the jar.

Poetry

I thought that I would grace you all with a poem.....

Haikus are easy
Sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Uncle Hugh

For some reason today on my drive down to Orem, I was thinking about the night before my Uncle Hugh got married. What brought this memory on, I have no idea.

For some reason my sister Amy and I (I think anyway) had to share a room with him. This was at my grandparents house in Longmont, Colorado. For those of you that don't know my Grandpa is very handy and had installed sinks and mirror's into most of the rooms. Any way, after falling asleep on the floor, I have a vivid memory of being woken up by a light. I remember rolling over and seeing my Uncle leaning against the sink with his face mere inches away from the mirror. I think he was mumbling something to the effect of "Am I ready...."

After watching this spectacle for what seemed like an hour, I finally fell asleep again.

Random I know....but Funny!

Random Observations....And Apologizes

I was driving home from school this afternoon and I hit what feels kinda like the halfway point of the trip, The Point of the Mountain. As I left Utah Valley and decented into Salt Lake Valley, I realized that there isn't much of a point or mountain left from all the sand that is being used....hmmmm,should they changed the name to "The place where the Mountain Point Use to Be." What do you, my faithful readers think?

And I am sorry for not writing more. More is on the way!

Dell's Super Envelope