I have noticed a couple things. First, I am short. Second, my jeans are always wet at the bottoms whenever it snows or rains. Now I know that you are thinking. You think I should just buy shorter jeans, but that is where the genes come in. Because of my genes I am in between sizes. Either I get short high-waters, or just a little to long.
My Father is 6'4. My Mother is 5'4. Sorry to say, but those were never very good odds for me. Unfortunately for me, my older sister got the tall genes at a whopping 6 foot she has always towered over me even as a child. My younger sister is also tall for a lot of girls and claims to have passed me in height. My parents have reassured me that she is still shorter but I swear she looks me square in the eye.
I am openly blaming my parents for my height retardation. Mainly my Dad. He knowingly married and bred with a short woman....and Mom, you let him! My sister Amy, openly dislikes guys like my Dad who dated and married girls a full foot shorter. This leaves the tall girls waiting for a taller guy to realize that they can date someone who is taller than average.
Now Dad didn't you think of your unborn son and his perpetually wet jeans when you were courting my Mom?! Forget love, and eternity! I'm talking about always having to take my pants off when I come home from school so I don't get the carpet and socks wet and dirty.
OK, its not really that bad of a thing that I was made short (even though I really take my pants off when I come home if it has snowed or rained). Some good has come from it. For instance I have an awesome family, and being born is a pretty good deal in itself. I will most likely have giant children of my own. I'm guessing that I will have kids taller me by the time they are hit their mid-teens. Another plus, I'm taller than my mom. It made me feel good, and helped with my self esteem when I finally passed her in height during my senior year of high school.
I also have a lower center of gravity. Which has come in handy for things like skiing and mountain biking. I have yet to do half of the amazing mountain bike gymnastic dismounts that my Dad has done. I have rarely if ever hit my head form being to tall. That usually happens from stupidity. And I'm almost always short enough to fit under ever shower head I have encountered.
So all in all being short is not that bad. The real down fall is that because of my genes I always have wet jeans.
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6 comments:
I have a confession to make. My jeans are wet right now. I laughed so hard when I read this that I wet my pants. I'm still tying to get the tears out of my eyes.
In my own defence, I really thought I'd have tall sons and short daughters. Dr. Terry said you had enormous growth plates when you were a kid. What happened?
Trust me you are not really short. I've been around short people. You're more like taller than average. I'm just freakishly tall.
Eitherway, you are a great writer and aruguably the funniest man on the planet. Thanks for making me laugh today. I needed it.
Brad, this is a great post! I am sorry that you got my short genes! But Hey you are taller than my dad was. He was shorter than my mom! Thanks for the story it made me laugh till I had tears in my eyes, and yes you are still taller than Heidi!
Your solution in four words: tube socks and capris.
Okay, my first thought was, why don't you hem your pants? It only costs $5 to get them hemmed up here in Canada. You should come back.
My biggest question is, why haven't I seen you take off your pants when you come home? I've been at your house plenty of times and not once have I seen you drop your drawers in the entry hall.
Although I was blessed with your "taller than average" genes, I wasn't blessed with the "freak" genes either.
It was only recently that I realized the only reason I'm not short is because I have a really long trunk and a high center of gravity.
When I was in high school (last century), I wore 38" length pants. Now I wear 32"... I realized that I must have looked pretty funny with my pants all bunched up on the bottom (and wet).
Are you sure you're just not in denial (about the length of your pants)?
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